You've done it now, Missy!

My boss has been on vacation for 2 entire weeks! Two / dos/ deux / zwei! Unbelievable. At any rate, she asked me if I would water her precious plants in her absence. I told her that my green thumb was non-existent, but that I would try my best. She didn’t even trust me enough to remember to do it of my own accord! She put a couple of reminders on my calendar – the nerve of the woman. Anyway, I have dutifully fulfilled my promise to her (she is schedule to return the first of next week). However… today, I decided that as I was watering I would tenderly serenade her plants with tunes of the late Michael Jackson. Big mistake. I think it was the last song that did them in because suddenly their leaves began to turn crispy and brown. Did they not like my final song choice - “Leave Me Alone”? Did they not like my moonwalk? Did they dislike my “whooo hoooo”? No, it must have been the crotch grab! I know… could it be that my green thumb is brown – it dawned on me that Michael's thumb was white. Oh man, what have I done? I think I’ve just assured the fact that my “bossy” lady will never ask me again to complete such a difficult task! Thank goodness, the pressure was just way too much for this old gal. Whooo Hooo - oh NO.... two more leaves just dropped off! I am so done.

A Girl's Got to do what a Girl's Got to do...

It was a dark and stormy night. She realized that there was no way in hell that her assigned duties would ever be fulfilled by the morning light. Despair clutched its icy fingers around her heart and she began to beg for mercy. Then it dawned on her that hiding deep within the bowels of her refrigerator was a Coca-Cola waiting to release her from her angst. A clean glass, fresh ice cubes, and the wonderful sound of her effervescent sustenance bubbling and fizzy as it filled the glass. She closed her eyes and drank the dark saccharine liquid. Once again a spark of energy cursed through her veins. She was back on the sauce, but ever confident that success was in sight.

JEANNE.... , she yelled at the top of her lungs.

I was just sitting at my desk remembering something that happened between my boss and I a few years ago.

She'd walk right by my desk and go into her office - then yell... "Jeanne"! I'd jump up and go to her office and see what she needed. (Usually nothing important!)

She did that several times over the course of the week and it became very annoying to say the least.

The very last time she did it, I went into her doorway and asked, "You bellowed?"

It's never happened since!

Did I really just say that?

Yesterday my boss rushes into my office and says, "Can you drop everything you're doing right now and run a report for me?"

I said, "Yes, I can." "But... will I?"

(Yes, I did run the report and deliver it directly into her hot little hands.)

How's that for the new attitude I resolved to make this year? She tolerates my crap quite well, and guess what? I'm still here today! (Not sure yet if that's a good thing or just punishment for being me.)

I admit it...

Yes, I know. I've been a total slacker when it comes to the blog. Losing Biker Dude's mother, the holidays, perotitis, sprained wrist, poor attitude about everything -- oh, I could come up with all sorts of excuses. I promise to be more consistant in my posts - guess that could be one of my resolutions.

The holidays were great because we had family together - that never gets old. I'll be more specific as I get my pix downloaded and will share. Hope this finds everyone well and ready for the new year.

I told my boss that I'd come back to work with a new attitude if Santa brought me one. I think he forgot! Tomorrow is back-to-work day for me - I've really enjoyed the two weeks off and maybe that will be the key to the attitude adjustment... or not.

Phone Phreak...

These two incidents really happened where I work as an Administrative Secretary. Unfortunately it was the same guy each time. I'm so glad I work at an institution of higher learning...

Him: "Can I use your phone?"
Me: "No problem." (I hand him the phone)
Him: "Aren't you going to dial for me?"
Me: "Sure, do you want to talk to my Mom?"


Him: "Could you give me the phone number for John Brown?'
Me: "Sure. Don't you have the new phone directory in your office?"
Him: "Yes, but can you look his number up for me?"

I am a Slacker, therfore I AM....

In the world of Slakerdom I have risen thru the ranks to become High Priestess of Slack. Who knew I had such a talent? I have fulfilled a great dream -- to become more of a slacker than even I knew I had in me. If you dream it, it will come.

Do not mistake this for having unfulfilled good intentions for that is another level all together -- to have good intentions you must actually have thought up a plan of action.

Slackers don't do ANYTHING - I am fulfilled.

A Deck Worthy of Greatness...

Biker Dude has spent the last 3 evenings staining his deck. Big job, but he's always up to the task. It's not a huge deck, but big enough for him to handle. He always says it's really important to keep your deck in tip-top shape. You take care of your wood, protect it and it will give you great pleasure for years to come. He's gotten lots of compliments on his deck over the years and takes a lot of pride in it. Can't blame the guy, it's his DECK I'm talking about!

Positively pessimistic...

I saw a lady I work with at the store the other day and asked her how she was doing. "I can't complain", she said. What the hell I thought - I can ALWAYS complain (and quite often do)!

She said, He said...

She said, "I need a new bra."
He said, "Can you get one that lifts and separates?"

She said, "Does this make me look fat?"
He said, "Define fat."

She said, "What sounds good for dinner?"
He groans.

She said, "Man, the results of your hearing test are terrific!"
He said, "What?"

She said, "Oh, it hurts my back to do this."
He said, "Then don't do that."

She said, "Do you know that I love you more than life?"
He said, "Yes, I know."

by me for Biker Dude on our last anniversary (36 years and counting).

Down in front!

Are there people in your universe that bug the holy crap out of you due to the fact that they just exist? Please don't let me be the only one!

There is a gal in town that is one of those people. Her Daddy was a 'somebody' with money once upon a time and she's leached off of that her entire life (just my opinion). Because she's a 'somebody' and anyone else is a 'nobody', her nose is perpetually in the air. One thing that she's done which I find unforgiveable and showed her true colors is when my Dad died she showed up on my Mother's front doorstep to see if Mom wanted to consider selling their home. Crude, huh?

Anyway, last night we went to the county fair to a Sawyer Brown concert and there she was -- two rows down acting like she was it-on-a-stick. She's not. The music was great and the concert was lots of fun. As it began she was standing up doing the 'wave' and I yelled 'down in front'. As the concert progressed and she downed a couple of beers she was doing the American Bandstand 60's clap your hands/flip your wrist thing. So funny. More beer and then she began to shake her groove thing and I thought I was going to have a seizure. Then came the cell phone - open it up and wave it around like it was a cigarette lighter at the big stadium concert. It was annoying and funny at the same time. If I didn't dislike the woman so much I would have probably been embarrassed for her!

I'm sure that I totally mortified my youngest adult son. I figured that out when he looked me in the eye and mouthed, "Stop it, Mom" as I was yelling "down in front" for the 10th time. Oh well, I'm old and I can do and say whatever I want now because I've earned that right. Forgive my mouth and intolerance, but it was MY very own "you suck lady" moment and belonged to no one else.

BTW, Biker Dude was right next to me and never batted an eye. He loves me anyway.