A Deck Worthy of Greatness...

Biker Dude has spent the last 3 evenings staining his deck. Big job, but he's always up to the task. It's not a huge deck, but big enough for him to handle. He always says it's really important to keep your deck in tip-top shape. You take care of your wood, protect it and it will give you great pleasure for years to come. He's gotten lots of compliments on his deck over the years and takes a lot of pride in it. Can't blame the guy, it's his DECK I'm talking about!

Positively pessimistic...

I saw a lady I work with at the store the other day and asked her how she was doing. "I can't complain", she said. What the hell I thought - I can ALWAYS complain (and quite often do)!

She said, He said...

She said, "I need a new bra."
He said, "Can you get one that lifts and separates?"

She said, "Does this make me look fat?"
He said, "Define fat."

She said, "What sounds good for dinner?"
He groans.

She said, "Man, the results of your hearing test are terrific!"
He said, "What?"

She said, "Oh, it hurts my back to do this."
He said, "Then don't do that."

She said, "Do you know that I love you more than life?"
He said, "Yes, I know."

by me for Biker Dude on our last anniversary (36 years and counting).

Down in front!

Are there people in your universe that bug the holy crap out of you due to the fact that they just exist? Please don't let me be the only one!

There is a gal in town that is one of those people. Her Daddy was a 'somebody' with money once upon a time and she's leached off of that her entire life (just my opinion). Because she's a 'somebody' and anyone else is a 'nobody', her nose is perpetually in the air. One thing that she's done which I find unforgiveable and showed her true colors is when my Dad died she showed up on my Mother's front doorstep to see if Mom wanted to consider selling their home. Crude, huh?

Anyway, last night we went to the county fair to a Sawyer Brown concert and there she was -- two rows down acting like she was it-on-a-stick. She's not. The music was great and the concert was lots of fun. As it began she was standing up doing the 'wave' and I yelled 'down in front'. As the concert progressed and she downed a couple of beers she was doing the American Bandstand 60's clap your hands/flip your wrist thing. So funny. More beer and then she began to shake her groove thing and I thought I was going to have a seizure. Then came the cell phone - open it up and wave it around like it was a cigarette lighter at the big stadium concert. It was annoying and funny at the same time. If I didn't dislike the woman so much I would have probably been embarrassed for her!

I'm sure that I totally mortified my youngest adult son. I figured that out when he looked me in the eye and mouthed, "Stop it, Mom" as I was yelling "down in front" for the 10th time. Oh well, I'm old and I can do and say whatever I want now because I've earned that right. Forgive my mouth and intolerance, but it was MY very own "you suck lady" moment and belonged to no one else.

BTW, Biker Dude was right next to me and never batted an eye. He loves me anyway.

Harley, you've given me a headache dude.

So... Biker Dude has a great buddy - I call him "the girl-friend". (Honey, your girl-friend is on the phone.) If you're a country music fan you're aware of Brooks & Dunn -- well, he's a Ronnie Dunn clone, except with a shaved head and no southern accent. They just went on a 5-day, 1500 mile road trip with six others. Had a great time, and all that good biker stuff. But, I swear if we see him in the grocery store one more time, I'm going to hurt someone.

They speak in the language of "Harley Davidish" -- it's hard for me to understand, but it's understandable enough to know that I really don't give a shit. They meet in one aisle and talk for 20 minutes then go on their merry way... meet in the next aisle and gab as though they haven't seen one another for an eon. This goes on for aisle, after aisle, after aisle. And, we only went in the store for milk and toilet paper. Come on guys, my head is going to explode!

Forever and ever, Amen...

Today I went shopping. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm a "get in, get it, pay, get-the-hell-out" kind of shopper. I went into the store and quickly found what I was looking for. Went to the checkout where a lovely older man was working. He scanned my items and I grabbed my handy-dandy little card out of my purse, swiped it through the machine and went through all the crap that follows -- debit or credit -- pin number -- do you want money back -- waiting to approve -- when suddenly it pops up with the words "card denied". I was mortified. I asked if I could try again because I probably put in the wrong pin number and it happened AGAIN! What the heck??? So I got out my cell phone to check on my little cheat "contact" pin # checker because Biker Dude and I have such similar pin numbers on our debit cards and I always get all dyslexic with them. Then I realized that I was using a credit card instead of my debit card. What a major spaz! I was so embarrassed. Anyway, this cute old gent said, "No problem. You were in the right church, but just sitting in the wrong pew!" How cute was that? The lady that was so impatiently waiting behind me to get through the line I was holding up suddenly got a big smile on her face and we all had a great chuckle. I love sweet older gentlemen with a sense of humor!

I, Biker Dude, do solemnly swear...

Since April 29th, these are the new Harley accessories that I actually know about. Biker Dude is pretty slippery, so I know he's sneaked a lot by me as well. Besides the 1,000 mile service check, he's gotten a new windshield, backrest, hand grips, dipstick/oil temperature checker thingy, new rearview mirrors, LED tail light, and who knows what the hell else. These were all purchased under the guise of "safety" which I guess make them all legit. Can you say, "cha-ch$$$$ng"? I decided that was enough for the first three months, so I decided to make him swear to knock it off.

I made him raise his right hand. He tried to fake me out by raising the left one - but being the smart girl that I am, I figured that one out pretty quick! Anyway, his right hand was raised and I let him put his left hand on my boob. Seriously. It was the only sacred and holy thing I had nearby. Then he repeated after me, "I, Biker Dude, do solemnly swear that I will not buy any more accessories for my bike until the year 2009." We had to do bare boob (inside the bra) to actually get the swearing done, but he finally did.

You heard it here first and I'm sorry if the visual is way too much for you to handle, but this is my world and I have to live in it! (Then he went out and bought a new Harley shirt and hat that were calling his name... go figure.) Just goes to show you that copping a feel isn't what it used to be -- what's a bare boob worth these days anyway?

Happy Birthing Day, Son!

On July 4th, 1972 my first child was born. His daddy was in the military and so it was just my Mom and I at the hospital waiting for him to arrive. It was an awesome experience to bring a new life into the world - he was my everything. Grampa Ky called him "Cracker" for a while -- it didn't stick! So many years have come and gone, so many ups and downs, so much to learn, so much love to give. That love continues to grow and what my Mother told me all those years ago is still very true, "you never stop worrying about your kids", how very wise she is. I love you son. Be sweet, be smart about your decisions, be honest in all you do, be kind to others, and always know that you are one of the first best things I ever did.